12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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