I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
