so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
