When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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