Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
