you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
