Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
