I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
