so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"