Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
