the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
