I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he's gonorrhea incarnate
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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