There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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