my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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