she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
