Please, let me fuck your mom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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