I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
