I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
