I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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