Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
