I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
