Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
