Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize