she looked like the bat from fern gully.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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