dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
