protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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