i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
