yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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