is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
