I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
