Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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