On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
