I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize