he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
