so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
