During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
