The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize