There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
