if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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