Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
