quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
