I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
