If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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