ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
