There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she told me i tasted like america
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
did i just pee glitter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
