she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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