Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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