You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
