So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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