and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
