i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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