put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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