Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
