Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
