I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize