Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
