I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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