we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want to make a zoo with you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
