I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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