I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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