When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You ruined the universe
Randomize
