All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
