woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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